I could then overlay the impersonal picture onto the personal one. My hunger for wisdom and understanding eventually led to mind-expansion via LSD, wherein I encountered brief glimpses of the Spirit of life in all.Įxperiencing cosmic-consciousness, the presence of eternal embedded in the temporal was, "mind-blowing." Psychedelics temporarily made my personal view of my life disappear, so that the impersonal view could appear. While excavating the past was not easy, it released much trauma from my mind, heart and body.)ĭespite having numerous otherworldly visions and a near death experience around age five in which I was shown past life connections with my family, I was unable to articulate these. (I later made remarkable progress with a therapist who did Fischer-Hoffman therapy and Rolfing Bodywork. Freudian therapy, however, was not for me. Looking for self-knowledge, I tried psychotherapy on for size. Coming from violent, alcoholic and prescription drug addicted families made us "perfect mates." Remaining together for nearly a year, we parted stormily. In 1965 began living with my high school boyfriend. I left home early, working as a fashion model until I grew tired of being a piece of prettily packaged meat in the fashion industry supermarket. What I really wanted to learn was the meaning of life and my place in it. My headset was a mix of boredom and being distracted by the abuse at home. However, I did love singing in the choir.Īlthough lacking enthusiasm, except for history and chorus, I did well in school. Furthermore, sexism ran rampant, "God, our Almighty King and Father," often emphasis was on the monetary donations families made, how Judaism was better than other religions and what fashions were being worn to holiday services. I recall attending synagogue and praying to know this Supreme Being, yet "He" remained unknowable. (My parents "rebelled" by becoming Reformed Jews.) As a girl, I'd sit with my more intellectual friends discussing the existence of God. My upbringing was an unusual blend of Orthodox and Reformed Judaism. Corporeal punishment became as much a part of my life as breathing. While my watery Scorpio mom and fiery Sagittarius dad's relationship was extremely argumentative, both agreed on the "spare the rod and spoil the child" philosophy. Eventually he became a foreman and union organizer. My father, a self-made man, quit school at age twelve to help care for his eight siblings by working as a plumber's apprentice. Although she did marry, and had children, she also began having nervous breakdowns. She graduated college at a time when most women were expected only to marry and have children. My mother, an only child, was blessed, or cursed (depending upon when you spoke with her), with a very high IQ.
My paternal grandparents, Russian immigrants, hence of my love of philosophy, eating, children and cooking. My maternal US born grandparents were show biz folks, hence my love of comedy, music, singing and dancing.
Now for the rest of the story.Įntering the world in New York City under the sign of Pisces nearing the end of World War II making me another infamous "Baby Boomer." I was raised in your typical dysfunctional, yet well-intentioned, family. Unbeknownst to me, the seeds for the Santa Cruz School for Tarot & Qabalah Study and my writings, especially "Living the Tarot," were then conceived. Doing this, my life slowly began changing from existing and surviving into being and thriving. It was darkness that moved me to start applying the mystery school teachings I was studying in the Builders of the Adytum (BOTA) coursework, to the mysteries of my survival oriented existence. When my life as an impoverished single mother of a three-year-old was a wreck I called Qabalistic Philosophy to my aid. It was the same thing, which since the beginning of history has saved countless numbers from drowning in the stew of their own lives, a sincere and lasting call for help! To paraphrase the first of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous-my thoughts, feelings, actions, relationships and the world around me had become unmanageable.įrom similar conundrums, the human condition, have arisen philosophies promising adherents a better understanding of themselves and living in general. Perhaps you're wondering what brought me to this path. I feel blessed to be studying, teaching, writing about, consulting with and living the Qabalah* and its symbolic representations, the Qabalistic Tarot (QT) and Tree of Life (ToL), for 4 decades. AS THIS FOOL PERSISTS IN HER FOLLY, SHE BECOMES WISERĭear Reader: You've just read my made-to-order rewrite of William Blake's musing: "If a fool would persist in his folly, he would become wise." Simply, I'm a work in progress, someone who's learning by doing and doing and doing again!